I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
