He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Please. That's just a patriotism boner. I watched Michael phelps win another medal and had to change my underwear.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I just remembered that the guy I slept with last night has "USDA PRIME" tattooed on his ass
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
I called plan parenthood at 407 am... Guess I was thinking ahead
On my way home I saw a car that had "MOVE OVER PLZ" emblazoned across the windshield backwards, so people could see it in their rearview mirror
If I ever drive for Lyft or Uber I'm definitely gonna do that
Randomize
