One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
