i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
Randomize
