my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
Randomize
