i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
Cuz I feel like I ate the whole candy isle at 7/11 last night and chased it with rum
You pretty much did tho
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
I have banged to "The Emperor's New Groove" way more than could possibly be reasonable.
Dicks are not precious.
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
