She is in my trunk
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
Whoever brought the pigeon, please come and remove it from my living room.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Tacos and sex are way better than any anti depressant pill ever was. I think I made a medical discovery here.
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
