Apparently you make a good broom.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Kinda forgot to grab tampons. Mind if I run to my house to get one? I'd rather not turn my green skinny jeans Christmas colors
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
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