Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You stole a fry from a complete stranger. He wasn't happy. Then you said fuck it and stole the whole poutine and ran down the street while he stared in shock.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
That's like doing a cinnamon challenge in my vag - but more painful.
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
