I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Randomize
