literally had 100 drinks last night.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
