I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Fact: Chilis at the airport in JAX will serve you shots of jack at 6:45 with breakfast. Ya I missed my flight.
So when does your new flight leave?
At my shot/hour ratio.... I leave in 16 shots. I love flying
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
When I told the bartender it was my 21st birthday, he looked at me all pissed and said "But you've been drinking here as 21 for the past 2 years.." How do you THINK the night went?
So I take it free shots were a no after that?
Randomize
