Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize