she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I tried to smoke out of half a banana, and lit my nose hair on fire. So I feel like that sums up my life pretty well.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
I've pulled 4 ticks off of me. This is the last time I suck dick in the wild.
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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