Yeah sketchy neighborhood.. Some woman ran by screaming, "i didn't steal anything" as some cops rolled up and arrested her.
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
1. My arms are cement 2. I wish dogs could answer the phone
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
When you're really drunk, Japanese toilets just have an unnecessary amount of buttons.
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
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