his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
I don't want to ruin date night, but you have no idea how hard it is to poop whilst looking at cute puppies.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
