piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
If you're wondering why you have playpen balls it's because we stopped at chuckie cheese on the way home.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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