After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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