I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
Also, in the middle of me riding him, he said "I want you to dance on my dick" like I was supposed to know what that means
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
But now he's gone and I'm exhausted and my vagina is yelling at me and I want a cheeseburger
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
