Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
Randomize
