My underwear smells like fireworks.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
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