I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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