He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
What did you give her? She's trying to tape her wrists so her hands don't fall off.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
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