You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
You're the Michael Phelps of my vagina. Most decorated Fuckolympian of all time.
Am I going to be on condom boxes?
I would feel worse for you if you weren't waking up between a pair of double Fs that attached to a classically trained chief. Im still jacking off eating hot pockets.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
