At a sweet 16. cant remember what shirt im wearing byt dnt worry im not sleeping w/ the guy who serves the chicken nuggets again
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Nursing home in NJ just got busted for prostitution and drugs...dropping off my deposit tomorrow
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
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