I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
