Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
His dick has the same name as my pipe. I'm keeping him forever.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
