just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I'm like, not good at living.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize
