The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
I messaged him asking for his address. He replied with the address then said, "If you're gonna stalk me, I'm the third window on the side and usually get naked around 8am and anytime randomly after 6pm (listen for music).. If you're sending anthrax, I'm 6'2" 225lbs so send a good amount."
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
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