Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Someone wrote Kyle's bitch on me too. I dont even know who Kyle is.
So she just apologized to the fire extinguisher.
she stopped mid-blowjob to explain how to acheive the haircut shown in the movie
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Randomize
