the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
We had to put his head at the bottom of the driveway so the puke would run down. Now he's sleeping outside.
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
After the Patriots lost I punched him in the face. But I still feel like that isn't a good reason to dump me.
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
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