We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I bought him bourbon as a thank you for his apology. What is wrong with me?
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I made out with a 40 year old and told her we were dating then got kicked out of a gay bar. This is the day I stop drinking.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
