I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
I swear she didn't look like that last week.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
WHITE RUSSIAN WEDNESDAY. TELL YOUR CO WORKERS. INVITE QND PREPARE
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
