I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
You sternly pointed at him and declared that you would ride his cock until the early dawn.
Then, you ate a turkey sub, went into his room
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Everyone keeps telling me I look so healthy and happy today: the power of the penis people!!
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
