yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize