So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
I love that the power of margaritas brought us back together.
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
I knew it would be a shit show so I just went ahead and took plan b before I even got there. How's that for responsible?
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
He made me come so hard I punched another hole in the wall mid orgasm.
I'm not fixing this one for you. Do it your own damn self.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
