Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Houston, we have a blender
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
Now I have the walk of shame to give the receptionist the bathroom key back, I've had it for 20 minutes. I should just smile and wink. She knows what went down.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Randomize
