After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yes, yes she is. This will teach her not to pull her vibrator out and harass people with it at parties.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I AM SAFE. EVERYTHING IS FOG. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
How drunk do you think I'll be by the time I get home?
I just watched you drink a whole glass of wine through a Twizzler. Pretty drunk.
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I HAVE 5 FELTING NEEDLES AND THEYRE GOING DIRECTLY INTO YOUR EYES IF YOU POST THAT SHIT
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
