So I decided to put different foods on my dick to see which would feel the best
and??
Cake is only good when you eat it
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
