dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
He doesn't fuck you and he's married, why do you keep letting him cum all over your stomach?
In the hopes he'll just put it in one day?
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I didn't cheat on him. He just hasn't been informed of the open part of our relationship.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
I'm at a bar where I literally walked in to the bathroom and some chick told me to never go to San Joaquin state pen
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
Randomize