its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Are you awake? Because I would like to know whether or not I should refrain from giving my evil laugh when I enter the apartment...
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
