i'm really high, and this is sooooooooooo important. how many frosties does it take to fill a bathtub?
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I just told my sister I love her. I'm in no condition to drive.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
We have zombies coming, and all you can think about is cock.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I just showed this kid my nipples to work my shift tmw
Is it customary to send a 'thank you card'to someone who gave you awesome oral as a gift at your housewarming party?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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