Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
Randomize
