I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I have post one night stand depression
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