One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He just said "fuck you" to the bowl he's eating things out of
Try and take me seriously and don't look directly at my hair or the jizz on my pants.
Puked in the hotel lobby and just kept walking. I love mardi GRAS.
I don't have any swimsuits that don't show off the weird handprint bruises on my hips. Do you have a onepiece I can borrow?
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
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