When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I know. I know. He'll be weekday dick.
Randomize
