did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
I remember us getting kicked out of the bar, but neither of us know why. We woke up next to chicken bones on a plate with spoons, and my car has mud all over it including places where feet shouldn't be, like the speakers on the car door.
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Maybe you should stop dating for awhile if the chicks aren't working out. Reacquaint yourself with your hand or something.
See, this is why we give you shit. Ashley gets her car cleaned out, I get multiple enchiladas made, and you get cum in your eye.
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
