look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
I swiped a lunchable and a gatorade from my one night stand's fridge, does it count as a date now since a meal was included?
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
No more scars from drunken holidays, people are starting to notice.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
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