My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I dreamt I won the Huge Cock Championship last night. It was glorious.
Dude I think I vomited on the wireless internet box too...it isnt working.
i cant cry in cvs. not again.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I can't imagine a friend I would rather lose my virginity to in a threesome.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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