im pretty sure i just saw someone trying to catch a fish with his penis
Currently looking for a new liver on ebay. Struggle.
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
I'm about to take my 7th shot and I have to to go to dinner with my grandma in an half hour. What is my life.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
That's not "anything", that's you deep throating a mozzarella stick.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize