It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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