No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
just by requesting 'I think we're alone now', not only did you achieve emptying the bar, but you also rubbed it in the owners face.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
Randomize
