erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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