Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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