Pregnant stripper...not hot.
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
Randomize
