Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
there is something about beer and popsicles that make the world go round
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
