That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
this just has baby written all over it
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
so thats a no on the drunken crutches race 2moro
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
You squatted and peed on the living room floor while maintaining eye contact with Sebastian
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
Randomize
