I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
I don't even want to think what you did to boys being that drunk and horny.
Then I wouldn't suggest looking at the pictures from last night.
For future reference "I'm too drunk to come today" is an acceptable line to get out of work. I love my job
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
