I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize