Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
I bet Billy Ray Cyrus wishes he had pulled out now....
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Randomize
