remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
I'm the only one here who isn't hooking up, coming out of the closet, or crying because of one of those 2 things.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
You put me in such a good mood with that road head, I bought everyone at Hooters donuts.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Randomize
