he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I'm hungry, horney and thirsty. Pick two you want to help out with.(please pick horney)
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
