Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Nothing will stop me from making the title of my paper "The Great Political Cock Block." Absolutely nothing.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
