my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
It's obvious you're hotter. You've been doing a married guy for almost 2 years.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
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