You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
I got my period while he was fingering me , I knew it because I never get that wet.
Did u at least say sorry?
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
Chapter 6 - how to lose your underwear in chicago
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Randomize
