I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
Getting paid in weed to watch a pregnant adult with cooking skills is the TITS
Going back to our hometown to help Gramma move. Thinking we should see if we can fuck on the desk of the homophobic coach who first introduced us while in town.
Randomize
