You look like a girl that would like strip clubs
thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
This girl just texted me asking me to drop her cheese. What the fuck for that mean?
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Randomize
