Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
Always thought my first night in jail would consist of fire and a bunny suit.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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