You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
