Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
The uber man and I sat in silence. With my underwear in my purse and my dress shoved in the pocket of the hoodie the guy gave me.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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