you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
Dont judge me. Him and his friends got me drunk for free, the least i could do was suck his dick
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
