I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
ill give you food and tequilla and penis and joy
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
Is it bad that when someone says the phrase "helicopter dick" I immediately think of you?
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
Randomize
