Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
You texted me "Americans are sad" and "chicken coop disaster" without any further explanation.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
