i used baking grease as lip gloss
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Why did I puke in my shower caddy last night
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
