I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
I think my nap took me to another dimension
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
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