I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
Then you guys just all showered together...?
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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