I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
Had a dream I was a monkey and smoked pot out of a bong made out of a tree
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
I'd say "I think I gave my TA chlamydia" is an accurate way to sum up my life.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
