We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Random fact of the day: cum is a really good eye makeup remover
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Attn: you have now used your free, one time admission to pleasure town. Thank you for visiting I hope you enjoyed your trip. All future trips to P.T. Will cost you full admission price. We have different pricing plans to accommodate different situations, and remember it is more of a bartering system than a set price. Your patronage is always welcomed and once again thank you for visiting and have a fantastic evening.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
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