this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
lets just use each other and get past this awkward stage. forget my name.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
