he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
In the sauna. Drunk. When I close my eyes I think I'm a dog. Is that wrong?
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
It's almost like a boob-text, but it's not. Because it was live. And you were showing a bunch of people.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Randomize
