my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
