I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Oh shit. Easter I forgot. Maybe we should leave the illegal stuff for when Jesus is less present.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I'm going to get pregnant and die... Mean Girls warned me about this but I didn't listen
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Randomize
