Got a plan. Ill do rock paper scissors and if you win we smoke a joint. Throw rock.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
I'm so sorry for trying to eat your puzzle last night...
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
