Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
If you say no to drinking on a Monday then I'm going to take you to the hospital for a MRI
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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