life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
we did it on the golf course and he threw the condom in the pond. some poor fish is gonna choke on it
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I defriended her. I just can't support someone whose profile picture is of their water birth.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
He bedazzled a shirt for me that said "best head giver" should I be thankful for the gift or concerned that he has a bedazzler?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
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