Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
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