piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
